Why did this fun video inspire me to write this blog? Because it’s so true and many of us women do it all the time, especially in intimate relationships. We say we want men to just listen and not fix us and sometimes that may be appropriate, however know that you could be asking him to go against his own nature when you want this……
I did this recently with a man who showed me how ridiculous I was, without reacting to me or making me wrong. He witnessed my incessant need to look at the potential problems instead of the simple reality of the situation we were discussing. I was then able to laugh about what I did and immediately respect him for holding his ground. What could be more sexy than feeling my tail between my legs in those moments?!
We complain when a man is not man enough for us, yet sometimes we do our best to create that situation. Have you ever caught yourself doing this? Are you aware of how you might diminish men around you from being who they really are? If you are a woman reading this blog, it’s highly likely that you have picked up this kind of behaviour from personal development concepts around you. Ones that say your partner should be the Shiva of your dreams and your best girlfriend, all at the same time. Worst part is we claim the request to have him ‘just listen’ to our unconscious rambling as conscious communication!
One of the world’s most respected voices on sexuality and passion in long term relationship, psychologist Esther Perel, speaks of this in her brilliant book, ‘Mating in Captivity’. She suggests that in this modern world we want our intimate partners to be our lover, parent, best friend, community and to even be God for us at all times! Such pressure and expectation that is bound to go unmet, will only lead to a break-down in passionate intimacy because it decreases or even kills polarity; which is the magnetic energy to create attraction.
Problem is, when you ask him to just listen and you don’t accept his clarity to help you, you are asking him to be your girlfriend. When you keep asking him to be your girlfriend, he may feel diminished in his natural male instincts. When he continually feels this from you, he may learn not to trust his instincts. And we all know at Tigress Yoga, just how important it is to be in touch with our instincts – it’s the same for men too. Please contribute to a more balanced world by encouraging men to be men!
Developing authentic friendships with other women around you, will help you feel more free to trust your sisters with personal issues you may need to share, so you can just be heard. This also means you leave him free to be your man! And for him to feel appreciated for what he does have to contribute to your life, eg. masculine simplicity is one of the greatest gifts men have to offer us. Lets encourage men to grow in their clarity and wisdom instead of asking him to be your girlfriend, by getting him involved in your emotionality. Because if you do, it’s something you might end up resenting him for.
I am suggesting that sometimes, when we say we just want him to listen, we are empowering the bitch in us instead of empowering the real women we are. Only men strongly in touch with their own inner nature will be able to see through the bitch routine. Many other men will fall into it and let you cut off their balls. Then things go pear-shaped with you both reacting to each other in all sorts of ways. We know as women that when we get him emotional, we silently lose faith in him for bowing down to our illusions. Often we don’t even know we are doing it. A man in his masculine strength will be patient, kind and present……yet he won’t let you disturb his desire for spacious emptiness and he won’t want to listen to you incessantly bullshitting yourself.
Stop trying to make Shiva your girlfriend. Let him be a man. Appreciate him if he has problem solving abilities that could simplify your life in beautiful ways. Allow him to be in his masculine strength so you can relax and soften into your feminine bliss. For a man with a strong masculine essence, his bliss is the emptiness of pure consciousness.
A man in touch with his Shiva essence won’t want to be your girlfriend.
Respect him for that.
His clarity, insight and strength will grow in your appreciation of his maleness.
With Love & deep appreciation to the few rare men who have known themselves well enough to lovingly silence my bitch
Note: Yes there is value in having him sometimes just listen. And a man’s advice won’t always be right for you but you can tell the difference by being in connection with your own instinctual body – comments that shut you down and have you feeling suppressed are not true Shiva energy. Hearing truth when you need it, delivered with love, will have you feeling ecstatic, grateful and full of relief. Trust the sensual intelligence of your body to know the difference.
+ huge gratitude to Jason Headley for creating this great video