From the start of my teenage and young adult and years, I did not understand the dishonesty of how most humans do relationship. Before I ever heard the word polyamory for the first time, it was already my reality. Questioning the norm felt vital to me, as I didn’t see many examples of relationships that were inspiring to me. I remember when I first met a community with teachings around various relating styles – the secret fear of “maybe I’m just a bit crazy” dissolved, when I realised I was not alone.
Having lived radical relating and been surrounded by communities of people exploring their versions of conscious relating for about 20 years, this is what I have learnt….
It’s not about monogamy or polyamory – it’s about our sovereignty. This statement does not refer to having no boundaries in relating though, quite the opposite.
It is really important to have clarity about what we are doing at any one time and how that impacts others. Many people do polyamory very poorly, because they lack honesty and authenticity, not only in their behaviour or communication towards others, but inside of themselves. They don’t have the courage and the learnt skills to be congruent within themselves, so they end up hiding their feelings, lying, hurting & disrespecting people. Which clearly is not very inspiring either. Disrespecting someone else always indicates a lack of inner freedom and self regard.
What I’ve seen is that people can be just as unconscious in polyamory as they are in monogamy. This is why it’s not about this or that, or anything of the externals. It’s about the inside – how authentic you are, how congruent you are to your own being and how responsible you are for your own creations.
It’s great to feel a sense of belonging with people who share views that help you out of an old way of thinking and being – AND it’s also important to not get overly identified with the external image or label or belief system. Why? Because your belief system and behaviour is likely to change as you grow, and hopefully it does. Otherwise, what once felt like it was freeing you has become your next cage.
It’s always about the inner path.
The ecstasy of authenticity.
Personal sovereignty – that’s what takes true courage.
Are you ready for soul level relating? What needs to happen so you are anchored into your own inner world, instead of conforming to whatever social paradigm you happen to be surrounded by?
Keep enquiring & stay attuned to your inner reality.
Your feelings, instincts and vision will show you the way through.