Here I will share with you my #1 tip to transform your jealousy, a handy thing indeed!
We all know this feeling as women – jealousy – not such a pleasant emotion to feel! It can show up as a hot or sharp bodily sensation followed by negative thoughts that make you and probably other people feel terrible too. Rather than overriding it by pretending it’s not happening or wishing it were different, there is another way. It’s truly effective AND it will bring you closer to what you really want in the situation. Not only do you want what you see someone else having, I imagine you are the kind of woman who wants to have positive regard for your sisters. Rifts among women are tricky to deal with and have an uncomfortable ripple effect – not only on you and the person you are focusing on, but often it also impacts other people too. It’s all an extension of your attitude though, so therein lies the power to change it.
Mirror neurons come into play here – because if we can see the reward someone else is experiencing, we might feel it, as if it is our own (this is where imitation comes from too.) A definition of mirror neurons: A mirror neuron is a neuron that fires both when an animal acts and when the animal observes the same action performed by another. Those who consciously or unconsciously imitate another person’s eg. creativity, are under the influence of mirror neurons, and are also lacking in self-definition, made obvious through their grasping to model themselves on another/others to the point of imitation. I talk more about finding your own creative edge in another blog here.
So how do I transform jealousy?
It’s all about becoming conscious of what you desire. Is it a different physique than the one you currently have? Is it a quality of relationship you see someone else enjoying? All that energy that was going into feeling jealous and potentially showing up as a negative attitude towards another woman, that energy is POWERFUL. Don’t let your power work against yourself.
So the number 1 tip to reframe this awkward emotion? Jealousy indicates desire – how freeing is that!!
All you need to do to re-direct it is:
1. Recognise that you are feeling jealous & don’t be afraid of that
2. Bring awareness to the sensation of it in your body ie. what in your bodily sensations lets you know that you feel jealous? Be with that sensation as you rest back into the part of you that knows how wonderful you are & how that feels in your body.
3. Notice what it is you are DESIRING. It may be really obvious to you. Sometimes it’s not though eg. that style she’s wearing – take the time to feel deeper into the situation ie. do you really want that particular dress or do you want the feeling she has about herself as she’s wearing it? (and it’s ok if you just want that dress too!).
4. Compliment the woman on what you are noticing is lacking in your life. As soon as you give from your heart, you are in alignment with your own fullness. Notice how good it feels to express something about her beauty, her success, or whatever it may be. And if you let her know that you feel jealousy with her, that vulnerability will usually create intimacy with her rather than opposition.
In my early 20’s I really felt the power of this. I had a friend who was exceptionally physically beautiful. I noticed I felt lesser than in her presence and I was tired of secretly experiencing that negative inner dialogue around her. So I did something different. I complimented her on her beauty and to my surprise, immediately I felt a rush of energy. Instead of feeling small in some way, I transmuted that into feeling full, that I had something to give, and that I was of value to her. Although we can’t change our physical appearance, what I learnt in this situation is that what I wanted most was to feel my inner abundance, which was reflected to me in my friend’s beauty.
Feeling our own value comes through the quality of our relationship with ourselves. Often that’s the true desire we are really experiencing when feeling jealous. Next time envy strikes, notice what it is that you desire & re-direct that power into fulfilling your desires, in a way that allows it to come to you more easily. Become available for what you want by being receptive to it. As soon as you can do step 1, the rest is quite easy and very liberating. Imagine your world being filled with deeper friendships because jealousy comes up. Imagine how much you would delete negative thoughts in your mind, because it frees up the energy you have available, to create what it is that you do desire. And be grateful for what you do have, because there is always more where that came from.