image from tumblr.
You may not be getting around with your dress up over your head, I would never assume such things about you! Though you have been exploring your sexual vitality & you feel a new level of empowerment and confidence, that is often met with resistance from others. Women think you are trying to take their men, meanwhile you are just showing up in who you are, because you refuse to hide any longer that you are alive & awake as a sexual being. You enjoy the attention you are experiencing because for so long you didn’t feel safe to, and now your very presence is providing a sense of potential freedom for others. But even your partner can shut down in the face of your powerful connection with your pleasure and conscious connection with your body. You feel misunderstood, unfairly judged and suddenly alienated from people who seem challenged by your ease of being in your body. This is a common experience for women who have been awakening their feminine power, and perhaps an inevitable phase to go through.
Women tell me they have this experience and sometimes it lasts for years. This is something I experienced many times over, but is no longer happening (or at least I’m no longer triggered by it). Why? Expanding my friendship circles to those who are also feeling free within themselves is part of it. Like-minded community is really helpful when transitioning to a new reality. Accepting that I am committed to something that is challenging for a lot of people also helped, because the more I accepted myself, the less triggered I felt by those who got put out by the fact that I exist. Though I also realised it wasn’t just about the other people, it was about me.
It’s true that some women flaunt their new-found sexual freedom around for all to see, unconsciously seeking acceptance. It’s a similar to an early teen who has just discovered she has a special power, of being female. Women who do this will eventually realise something more nourishing and grow into a more mature expression.
For me, I stopped experiencing or noticing resistance from others when I no longer felt shame for standing in my pleasure. Resistance stopped happening when I stopped questioning myself, of whether it was ok or appropriate to be me. It was one of those things where I was noticing it happen often, and didn’t notice it change, until in retrospect I thought, “oh yeah, that thing isn’t happening anymore.”
I had become more grounded with my changes. My high energy got circulated through my system long enough to be stabilised and feel normal. The connection between my heart and my sex got more established. I fully accepted my own energy and was no longer unconsciously seeking validation or approval for it from others. I wasn’t trying to prove myself to anyone anymore, so I wasn’t feeling the need to attract resistance anymore. That doesn’t mean I don’t like or enjoy attention, I just don’t ‘need’ it anymore. My sexuality became more self-defined and I became more selective about who I choose to share it with.
And it’s given me the ability to recognise when other women are in that place of unknowingly looking for a way to ground themselves and find that acceptance they need. I think that seeking of acceptance is both an urge for deeper self acceptance + the need to know it’s ok on a tribal/ social level to be living more embodied. When we go beyond our tribe because we’ve expanded to a new paradigm, it can be scary to on a deeper level to really let it sink in, and know that it is safe to be more open.
Once grounded into my sexual aliveness, there have still been situations. I’m able to see when women are in a place of fear about her man’s attention wandering away from her. It’s painful between women when friendship or sisterhood is denied in favour of protecting that fear. I’ve been shut out of women’s lives because jealousy is something that is really strong for them, especially if she notices the man feels attraction to me. It’s understandable, though with no indication that it’s anything other than attraction that won’t be acted upon, it’s also an awkward drama. Being lead by that fear and jealousy is an unfortunate situation for everyone involved. It prevents real ongoing friendship from happening because of the closure and lack of trust. And it pains me to see women being unavailable for friendship, working SO hard to keep their man’s attention, that I get exhausted just from observing it.
The most beautiful experience I’ve had re this situation will stay with me forever. It taught me what a wise woman with a mature heart would do in such a situation. Instead of pushing me away for feeling a natural connection with her partner which did happen, she invited me closer. She acknowledged the genuine connection between the man & I. She felt so secure in her love that instead of feeling triggered by me, she encouraged the beauty of our friendship and chose to see me with the highest regard. And she did the same with him as well, embracing the situation rather than shunning it. She expanded when she could have contracted. When met with her incredible love, I felt enormous respect for her as a woman and of course, saw her with the highest regard in return. In seeing the profound love of their relationship, desire was elevated to naturally express my connection with this man from my heart. No one was shamed, nothing was hidden, no one closed down and I’m pretty sure everyone grew in some way from the experience. And we all still feel close to each other today. She showed me how a woman rests into herself as a Queen, with her generous heart wide open.
It’s amazing what happens when we don’t perceive the need to create resistance or to be triggered by another. I fondly think of my friend (& teacher) who showed me real sisterhood as the Queen of Hearts. And I feel compassion for women stuck on a hyper-vigilant mode, even if no threat has been indicated, because they are trapped by their past pain. Having lived with awakened sexual energy for many years now, I’m often guiding other people through their experiences of walking these paths – both men and women. Feeling resistance from ‘the world’ is something that with my rebellious nature, I’ve actually learnt to enjoy in most situations. Resistance to my Shakti’s fullness in relationship though is something that’s an ongoing dance, as both men & women expand to allow woman to be all that She really is.
Love within is the key, always.