Is it more conscious to be in an open relationship?
A major issue with this conceptual dilemma may be different to what some people think, especially in the early stages of this exploration. There is literature available elsewhere on discussing the definitions of various relationship styles, however the purpose of this article is to clarify something quite simple, yet often overlooked. Questioning our social conditioning is most certainly a healthy and worthwhile inquiry. And it is of course possible for gross unconsciousness to exist in either monogamy or polyamory. Clearly someone’s relationship style is no indication of how conscious they really are.
Personally, I have learnt both from theoretical teachings and from the blood, sweat & tears of lived experience that every relating style has its light and shadow. I always knew within me that my inquiry was essentially about a search for truth and real love via a level of honesty that from a child I found quite rare to witness in adult relationships. I felt greatly relieved when I eventually did find others who were also carving their own way, rather than blindly replicating the status quo. Years later I noticed emerging in the sexuality community a tendency to perceive that open relating was more ‘spiritual’, which has lead to identification with it. Many false identities have been formed by those who invest in groups which aim to support certain spiritual concepts and educate about them – and this is where it can get tricky, potentially becoming just another trap for unconsciousness to take over.
What I want to encourage is asking a different question, starting with why choose such a dualistic way of thinking in the first place? It is possible to disengage from the conceptual duality drama of this question by coming back to one’s inner reality. Ask yourself, does ‘conscious relating’ really = polyamory in all situations? How do YOU really feel? What is truly supportive for your growth NOW? And are you willing for that to change as you evolve?
My advice – align with your inner truth and live from that place, rather than get caught up with labels. Know that being authentic can have different expressions at various stages of personal growth. In open relating, it is possible to live in a high level of mutual appreciation where deep healing and accelerated learning can occur, without living in a state of constant catharsis. In monogamy, it is possible to maintain the awareness, passion and self-responsibility required to maintain sovereignty within the union of the relationship. Maybe the energy spent in confusion from contrasting teachings can be utilized in listening more deeply inside ourselves to align with our internal authority instead. Everything can provide learning, however the quality of what we experience depends on the clarity of our inner commitment to love and truth. There is more I could say but this is enough for now 😉