Monogamy Vs Polyamory

Is it more conscious to be in an open relationship?

A major issue with this conceptual dilemma may be different to what some people think, especially in the early stages of this exploration. There is literature available elsewhere on discussing the definitions of various relationship styles, however the purpose of this article is to clarify something quite simple, yet often overlooked. Questioning our social conditioning is most certainly a healthy and worthwhile inquiry. And it is of course possible for gross unconsciousness to exist in either monogamy or polyamory. Clearly someone’s relationship style is no indication of how conscious they really are.

Personally, I have learnt both from theoretical teachings and from the blood, sweat & tears of lived experience that every relating style has its light and shadow. I always knew within me that my inquiry was essentially about a search for truth and real love via a level of honesty that from a child I found quite rare to witness in adult relationships. I felt greatly relieved when I eventually did find others who were also carving their own way, rather than blindly replicating the status quo. Years later I noticed emerging in the sexuality community a tendency to perceive that open relating was more ‘spiritual’, which has lead to identification with it. Many false identities have been formed by those who invest in groups which aim to support certain spiritual concepts and educate about them – and this is where it can get tricky, potentially becoming just another trap for unconsciousness to take over.

What I want to encourage is asking a different question, starting with why choose such a dualistic way of thinking in the first place? It is possible to disengage from the conceptual duality drama of this question by coming back to one’s inner reality. Ask yourself, does ‘conscious relating’ really = polyamory in all situations? How do YOU really feel? What is truly supportive for your growth NOW? And are you willing for that to change as you evolve?

My advice – align with your inner truth and live from that place, rather than get caught up with labels. Know that being authentic can have different expressions at various stages of personal growth. In open relating, it is possible to live in a high level of mutual appreciation where deep healing and accelerated learning can occur, without living in a state of constant catharsis. In monogamy, it is possible to maintain the awareness, passion and self-responsibility required to maintain sovereignty within the union of the relationship. Maybe the energy spent in confusion from contrasting teachings can be utilized in listening more deeply inside ourselves to align with our internal authority instead. Everything can provide learning, however the quality of what we experience depends on the clarity of our inner commitment to love and truth. There is more I could say but this is enough for now 😉


6 Responses to “Monogamy Vs Polyamory”

Read below or add a comment...

  1. Mystic Life says:

    Brilliant article…thank you. I believe that our ego loves superiority and separation, but if we are simply honest with ourselves and those we love, form takes care of itself 🙂

  2. Hello, I really liked Susan Living’s post. What she says is exactly what I mean by conscious relationship. If you listen to the video clip, you will see that to me, the number of partners – ie, the form – is NOT important. The consciousness and the love are what’s primary, and if we are not asleep, that is what determines the form, not a mental concept of what we think we want that is disconnected from real people.

    I’d also like to share that the Pelvic Heart Integration training which I’ll be offering in Melbourne March 15-20 assists you to do the INNER work which clears whatever personal or sexual issues you may have which get in the way of harmonious relationships, whether with one or with more than one, whether with lovers, partners, friends, or coworkers.

    Deborah Anapol

  3. Brigitte says:

    Right on sista!!! Love ur work!

  4. Susan Living says:

    Hi Dévashi,

    I totally agree – all a question of consciousness and the love in your heart regardless of your preferred relationship style!

    As someone deeply committed to conscious relationship with my husband, we’ve explored many options over the past few years to take our relationship ever deeper and more expansive. The choice for continuing to keep our relationship monogamous or opening it always comes down to tasting our own magnificence, holding our own truth and power every single day amongst all the crazy busyness and always, always returning to a state of love.

    What we’ve seen is that we find it challenging enough to do that one on one, let alone bringing other beings in to play!

    We are open to what the future brings though… There are no “rules” in love – we’ve just seen clearly that we need to know ourselves thoroughly first 🙂

    Thank you for this thought-provoking article!

  5. Challis says:

    I am in a conscious relationship which is monogamous. In my opinion, it is the best place for love to grow and to deepen the connection to one’s self , another, others and the Divine.

Share your thoughts!